slavaanton699c

it's time again for... A Game of Heroes and Zeroes! spoilers ahead __________ HEROES he's the Revenant Robin Hood, leader of a band of merry men whose purpose is to steal from the wicked, give to the needy, ransom the royalty, hang the bad guys, and maybe get laid some. Lord Beric comes equipped with a nifty super-power (courtesy of the Lord of Light, 'natch)... he gets to come back from the dead! unfortunately, his various hideous wounds get to come back with him. but so what... all those scars (and missing eye, and noose-blackened neck, and crushed-in head) only make him more manly. he's just the dreamiest! so what if she's socially awkward, mulishly stubborn, and entirely unimaginative... this young miss may be the last remaining True Knight in the realm! she kicks some serious ass, is loyal to a fault, and she brings out the human in that Jaime Lannister. at one point she stops to take a break by burying some random dead people hanging from a tree. what a big heart she has, it's adorable. you go, girl! ha, ha - you thought he was the villain! joke's on you, sucker/reader. this gifted songster is not only the leader of the Free Folk (and what's not to like about them? they believe in freedom, equality, and the pursuit of happiness - even their tendency to steal women is sorta charming)... he is a man who turned his back on the rigid class system and general stuck-upedness of Westeros society for the charms of anarchic wildlings. he's just trying to get all his people away from those infernal Others. goodbye, mysterious villain... hello, brave hero! sure, her eyes glow red. sure, she's a little bloodthirsty. sure, she wants to sacrifice some children. what of it? we all have our flaws. don't judge this sorceress... her only goal is to, um, SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD FROM UTTER DESTRUCTION. have some sympathy for her goals already. it's not like you could do a better job at trying to SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD FROM UTTER DESTRUCTION. i want her on my team! *** ~ and a special shout-out to classy old-timer Lady Olenna, Queen of Thorns. well finally someone realizes that King Joffrey's shenanigans are truly intolerable. extra bonus points for naming your personal bodyguards "Left" and "Right". ~ __________ ZEROES hey, King Asshole, ever hear of keeping your word? seriously, Promiseslayer, what's wrong with you? you may win your battles, but you break your vow over a little punani? and what's up with chopping off the head of your own bannerman? not too bright, son. and all the good intentions in the world doesn't excuse your tendency towards Usurping the Rightful King. duh. my gosh, as far as common sense goes... the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree. good grief, two winners in one family - those lucky Starks! hmmm, let's see... you capture the wrong guy in book 1... you free an enemy in book 2... you seriously underestimate the most obvious "secret" villain in the world in book 3. what the hey? clearly you should have retired years ago. but i sense some redemption in your future. i know you have some bloodthirstiness in you, so let that freak flag fly in book 4 and get down to some serious villain-killing already! wow, i used to love you so much. until i realized you were getting sorta inappropriate with Danerys. yeah, she's brave and beautiful and a queen and she frees entire cities worth of slaves and she has three lovely dragons. but didn't you notice that she's about a third your age? and on top of that, you're a jealous liar. get outta here, Creepy McCreeperson! come on, wolfie - Arya is supposed to be your soulmate! she's running all over Westeros just trying to get back to the fam, clearly needing a helping hand or paw... so why are you off galivanting about the countryside, chasing deer and hanging out with your new wolfpack buddies? well you did save her ass by taking down some of those Brave Companions - but that's a case of too little, too late. and here i thought that wolves are a girl's best friend. silly me. i guess your stomach is so much more important. *** ~ a special Zero mention must be made for Tyrion the Imp. where did that brain of yours go? why are you getting your ass handed to you again and again? well at least you unstuck your head from that ass and finally delivered some seriously overdue comeuppance... but i had to read 900 pages to get to that part. i want my old Tyrion back, stat! ~ __________ no review necessary, there are enough excellent ones out there. i loved this book, as i loved its predecessors. my favorite parts were the scenes with Sandor Clegane and Arya Stark. those two vicious killers were made for each other and their relationship was both laugh-out-loud funny and strangely moving. awww. at long last, a father figure that a child can truly look up to, and a daughter surrogate who knows what it means to really, really want to get some payback. and now on to the next one!

2022-10-29 03:40